Day 2 of my spring break was productive. I cleaned and mowed majority of our back yard. It’s amazing how it no longer looks like a red necked white trash fire hazard. I also did a little cleaning indoors, did some laundry, and hung up some decor that needed to be removed from our spare bedroom that will be soon accommodating my mother in law. My next goals are to straighten my own bedroom, clean out the guest bathroom, organize the office and finally declutter the garage. I’m hoping to get all of this done before I go back to work.
In other exciting news, the hubby and I are going to the exploratorium on Thursday. I’m very excited. Then in April 28th it’s our 10 year dating anniversary and our 5 year marriage anniversary. It’s amazing how time flies.
Feeling a little better now. Talked to my boss and found out everything was based on seniority. I asked if I completely bombed the interview and she told me no, it was just a numbers game. She said if she had another site to put me at, she could have placed me and if there is any turn over, I would be the first person offered the job. I can’t bank on this of course so I guess I will keep my eyes open to new opportunities and see what happens.
I didn’t sleep very well last night. I feel embarrassed having been demoted. I know this is better than not being offered an alternate job at all but it seems like it would still feels the same. I’m so overwhelmed about leaving my school, my co-workers, and my students. I feel like part of my identity was ripped from me, as stupid as it sounds. I feel empty, not good enough. All my hard work and extra time I put into program was a waste. Then the worst part is having to experience this all over again when people ask if I got the job or not. Then when I tell them I did not, they think I am pulling their leg. I feel like calling in sick today but I know I won’t because I may be down on myself but I’m not a coward and I feel that would be weak. I feel like I’m in mourning. I know this will go away. I know life will move on. I know I will get over it, but knowing this does not help the hurt I feel right now. Everyone has been telling me to talk to my supervisors but why? Talking/complaining/whining won’t change the circumstances and all I will do is cry because of how emotional I am right now. I’m not going to waste my breath.